Wanna Go Lay Baby?
Have you ever heard anybody say something like, “Hey sexy, wanna go lay for a while and uh, you know?”
No?
Okay, then how about Bob Dylan’s lyrical invitation,
“Lay lady Lay… Lay across my big brass bed.” Then again, how ‘bout Eric Clapton’s attempted repose, “Lay down, Sally.” Everybody with me now?
Well, according to the purists these guys have it all wrong… Either that or the lady on the big brass bed, and Sally are pet chickens that are about to pop out some eggs. You see, to lay down you have to have something to lay down, an object to lay down; and in the case of the chicken, the egg is the object, got it? Well, neither do I really; that’s why it drives me up a wall when “Word” corrects my English. (“What the hell is the correct phrase, dammit! Besides, I speak English and you were probably made in Taiwan!”) (Oops, politically incorrect.)
I mean think about it, “Lie Lady lie… lie on my big brass bed?” Just doesn’t have the same image does it?
Oh sorry, lost track of my lesson here.
Botching “lie” and “lay” is a pretty common boo-boo and most of society, America anyhow, really doesn’t give a damn; we don’t even count it as a grammatical slip… if it ever was.
Okay, I looked this up and here’s what we have; “lie” is an intransitive verb, this means it doesn’t need an object. “Lay” in a transitive verb and needs an object.
So, basically, this means I would have to take my “Hot Lady” and lay her down… then lie with her. Got it? (That’s right isn’t it?)
Still with me? No?
Okay, let’s go back to the chicken. Chickens lay eggs, the eggs are the objects. Chickens do not lie eggs, but you already know that don’t you? If you are going to hit the hammock, you are going to “lie” in the hammock. Are we good so far? If you are going out in your yard to catch some rays, you are not going to lay out in the Sun… unless, of course, you can lay eggs.
Now, the tricky part; if you lie down now, what did you do last week? And it really gets nasty when you get into the participles. Please don’t ask me to explain that one… Okay, you asked for it.
Participle: : a word having the characteristics of both verb and adjective ; especially : an English verbal form that has the function of an adjective and at the same time shows such verbal features as tense and voice and capacity to take an object
If still don’t know go ask an English Professor… I will as soon as I’m done.
Okay, a quick lesson here; first I’ll tell you what you’re going to do, and then I’ll tell you about the chicken, here we go.
You:
(Present) “I’m a little tired so I am going to lie down.”
(Past) “I was really tired yesterday so I lay for a while.”
(Told you it was tricky.)
(Present Participle) “I’ve been extremely tired all day so I am lying down for now.”
(Past Participle) “Hey sexy lady, I have lain in wait for you all night.”
The chicken:
(Present) “The chicken will go lay an egg.”
(Past) “Our chicken only laid one egg yesterday so we’re having a chicken dinner today.”
(Present Participle) “Don’t bother the new chicken, she is laying eggs and going for the record!”
(Past Participle) “Well, that new chicken could have laid a dozen eggs yesterday but she was getting weak and I had to put a cork in her.”
Okay then, you got it? Good, now you’re ready to go lie down with somebody warm and have a good time. Just watch that rooster though, he’s getting frisky.
The whole chicken thing kinda gives sex a strange image doesn’t it? “Wanna get laid???”
Oh yeah, one thing left; the past-hanging-chad-present-percolated-pretensive-participle. It’s only important in Florida though, so we can by-pass it.
That’s it for today y’all, so ‘til the next time remember, “It’s just human. We all have the jungle inside of us. We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we’re all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies. It’s like a kind of poetry.”
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